There once was a man, he name was Joe. Joe liked to stroke himself openly. His favorite spot to stroke himself was at the public park where the kids would play in the sandbox. He would encorage the children to roll around in the sand. His hand would quicken, and he would moan to the small 2 year old children touching the sand. He imagined that every particle of sand was his penis, and that is was being touched by children. This excited Joe to the point of no return. He stood up on his feet, continuing to stroke, as he slowly wobbled and moaned as he grew closer and closer to the children.
“Mommy, what is..”
The child stopped as thick strands of purple cum splooged all over his face. The child screamed.
Joe soon realized what he had done, so he shit his pants. The child enjoyed this and they got married with hitler and lived happily ever after.
Happy Gilmore was happy. Very happy. He was happy because he won the tournament that made him millions of monies and was able to keep his grandma’s house and get the girl. BUT THINGS WEREN’T QUITE RIGHT. Shooter McGaven was a jerk and Happy knew he had to settle the score. He invited Shooter over for dinner to make amends. Of course Shooter was skeptical at first but he thought hey, free food. After everyone ate dinner Happy told Shooter to come up to his room so he could give him a surprise. And what a surprise it was. He locked the door and pulled out a hockey stick. Shooter’s eyes went wide, “Do you know what I’m going to do with this?” Happy asked. Shooter stuttered, “U-uh… play hockey?” Happy grinned, closed his eyes and shook his head, “No, we’re going to play a game with you.” Happy’s grandma jumped out of the closet and punched him in the face. Things went dark.
When Shooter came to, he noticed he was tied up on the bed, completely naked, “Oh no” he thought. Happy took the hockey stick and shoved it up his tight hole and shouted, “BIRDY” while his grandmother cackled insanely in the corner. Shooter screamed as the hockey stick was forced up his anal hole but the fun didn’t stop there, “So I heard you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?” Happy asked Shooter. A look of insanity was in his eyes. It was on par (no pun intended) with that of the writings of both H.P. Lovecraft and Stephanie Meyer combined. His grandma handed him a bowl and Happy put it in front of Shooter’s face, “Here’s your breakfast!” He dug the spoon out of the bowl and force fed Shooter the poops. There were so many different kinds of poops, he must have been saving this for a long time. Most were brown and soft but there were a few crunchy black ones his grandma must have saved for him. Also some were red and looked veiny, “DIG IN” Happy shouted as he force fed Shooter the delicious breakfast.
“NO MORE PLEASE” Shooter shouted, crumbs of fecal matter spilling from his lips, “DID YOU SAY MORE PLEASE” Happy exclaimed in a maniacal tone before shoving more in his mouth, “UGSUDFGS WHYYYY HAPPY WHYYY” Happy shoved the hockey stick further up the poor man’s asshole, “THIS IS WHAT YOU DID TO ME” he shouted at him. Happy stood up for a minute and stared at McGavin who had tears running from his eyes, “And now for the main course.” His grandma then walked out from the corner, completely naked. Her saggy, sweaty titties bounced around effortlessly with every stride. She looked to Happy and they nodded at each other in agreement. She then pounced on Shooter and began shitting all over him. There was just so much shit you wouldn’t believe. She’s such a tiny lady but oh god the shits.
Shooter was screaming so much that someone must have called the cops because you could hear sirens, “POLICE OPEN UP” somebody shouted from outside, “GO AWAY OFFICERS WE’RE JUST RECORDING DEMONIC VOICES FOR OUR PODCAST” Happy shouted but it was TOO LATE. The officers broke into the room and seeing what was going in began shooting everyone wildly. Blood went everywhere. Happy ducked and grabbed an AK-47 and started shooting all the police people. It was insane. You had to be there. His grandmother exploded into millions of old lady bits and so did Shooter except without the lady bits, “FUCKIN COPSSSSSS” Happy’s last words shook the foundation of the house, metaphorically of course as he exploded too and turned into Little Nicky’s evil brother (I forgot his name right now)
O BE CONTINUEEEDD????
and then this played
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO_QntXc-c4
…there was a really shitty Vampire The Masquerade RPG where you run around and you’re like rawr I’mma vampire all of a sudden, I remember it was really fucking bad
anyway
there was an online mode
I remember going online and you had to be human and to be a vampire you had to be turned
so I walked around the town randomly and found this coven and met some vampires
real players
and I was asking them questions like how to be a vampire and they’re like you have to get bit and I was like can you bite me and they’re like lol no you noob
and I never got to be a vampire
worst mmo experience ever
Moirrey licked his lips as he saw Snap standing there, half naked after exiting the shower, “Are you ready for me to unleash the beast?” Moirrey asked him, Snap with a puzzled look on his face gulped and nodded slowly. Just then Saz crashed through a window and yelled, “Excelsior, devils!” And stabbed them both with the ancient spear of Nordic legend, Gungnir. They exploded into millions of bloody pieces as Saz screamed in delight, dancing around in the fallen entrails of her beloved dead comrades, “It’s over, it’s finally over…” She managed a sigh and began humping their bits and pieces while singing Cher’s “Believe”.
The football team was thirsty. RULL thirsty and they needed some delicious H20. Luckily the Waterboy was there to relinquish all of their thirsts, “MMm I want me summa dat white boy” the one black guy said to the Waterboy, “B-b—b-but you should drink water b-b-bbecause it’s delicious and refresh-” the black guy put a finger on Bobby Boucher’s lips and just said “ssshhhh cracka.” Bobby started crying as the team started taking turns on the poor man, “MOMMA SAYS THAT -MMM-KMMM MOMMA SAYS THAT” but as he said that his butt was intruded on by an intruder. It was the guy who played the Fonz. As he entered Bobby aka The Waterboy’s tight hole he let out an “AAAYYYYY” and gave a thumbs up to the crowd that was watching and cheering cause there were actually like 6,000 people in the stands watching and then a blimp crashed into the stadium. THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS.
then this played: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Q5Dmb17Pgk&t=1m5s
IT WAS A BRISK DAY ON EARTH, PLANET OF HUMANITY AND THERE WERE CARTOONS FUCKING EVERYWHERE. Michael Jordan was running from them with a baseball bat in one hand and a basketball in the other, “WELCOME TO THE SLAM” he exclaimed as he threw a basketball at a zombie Yosemite Sam, blowing his face into oblivion, “IS IT OVER” Michael Jordan asked as he dribbled the bat, or at least tried to. It actually just fell to the ground but the point is, Yosemite Sam’s face came back together like T-1000 and he said, “You can’t kill toons, Mikey.” The look on Jordan’s face was a mixture of disgust and horniness. He began running for his life again as the middle-aged redneck stereotype shambled after him. He had no more weapons so he pulled out his favorite drink of choice, grape drank and a pack of Salems, “Now’s a better time than ever to start smoking” he said as he sat down and waited for the inevitable.
IT WAS A BRISK DAY ON CORUSCANT, CAPITAL OF THE SENATE and Mace Windu was plumetting thirty thousand floors to the ground, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” he kept screaming but in an African American accent and he added the word fuck in there a few times for good measure. Yoda just sighed and was like welp, that sucks. and then this played as he jerked off whilst putting his lightsaber in his gaping jade-colored hole.
and this played: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6TXMsvgQg
IT WAS A WARM BRISK DAY IN YSLAND and Dogi’s hot muscles were on the fritz again, “ADOL I NEED MORE LOTION AND STAT!” Adol came to him. And then on him. They were great friends, “I GET IT, IT’S LIKE LOTION RIGHT HAHA UR SO FUNNY ADOL” but Adol just stared at him with empty eyes. His eyes were like an abyss you’d only see on a desert planet that’s pitch black, “UHH ADOL WHY ARE YOU NOT TALKING” but he just kept staring and jerking off while staring at him. Dogi winced, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT KNIFE” and then he killed him and Adol leveled up and just kept jumping around, like seriously that’s all he did was keep jumping around while his dead best friend lie there bleeding on the jungle floor or wherever they were.
and this played: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGe7wig_c9I
Carla exposed her beautiful, ebony breasts and Agatha opened her blouse to reveal two, lop-sided hams that looked like demon’s from the underworld. Agatha squeezed Carla’s gorgeous breasticles, the ebony princess moaned softly as Agatha wheezed, probably due to asthma or some other old person issues, “Ooh, Carla please rub my wet pussy.” She did. But it wasn’t wet. At all. In fact it was like the sandy deserts of the Sahara, but if it were double bizarro world and the Sahara was a desert planet full of monsters like in that one movie with the escaped convict dude. No, not Doom. But close. ”Spank me hard!” Agatha cackled as she bent over. Carla smacked her on the ass, softly because she’s a lady. But the sound was loud somehow. Probably because her hip shattered in five places. “PLEASE TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL CARLA” Agatha exclaimed while writhing in pain on the cold, bird-shit infested floor, “OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?! GOD YOU HAVE FORSAKEN ME” Agatha started spasming in different directions and the birds started screaming in their cages, “STOP IT! STOP ALL THAT NOISE! I WON’T GO BACK TO PRISON!” She exclaimed while shooting at the cages in fear. ”CARLAAA PLZZZZ” Agatha screamed with tears in her eyes. But they weren’t tears. Remember the desert planet analogy. Carla kept shooting. And shooting. Then she took a break and began shooting some more. The bullet of truth bounced off of three different cages and then embedded itself into Agatha’s Life Alert bracelet, exploding her old wrists. ”WHAT HAVE I DONE” Carla screamed as she fell to the ground and curled up in a fetal position (her favorite sexual position). “BLELBELHLEBLELBE AGHGUGUGGUG” Agatha managed. Carla was still screaming. So was Agatha. And then she died. Carla screamed at the top of her lungs, perfectly impersonating the end of Star Wars Episode III: The Phantom Sith Empire or whatever it was. Darth Vader was her favorite character because she liked black men like herself. In fact, she had always wondered what would have happened if she ever hooked up with the other black dude in the game which she couldn’t remember his name at the moment but the point still stood true. And then - JUST THEN OUT OF NOWHERE - Ethan or whatever from Heavy Rain came in and was like WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON LADY I JUST CAME IN TO BUY A BIRD FOR MY SON JASON BUT NOW I CAN’T IS THIS REALLY A BIRD SHOP WHY IS THERE A DEAD LADY ON THE GROUND JASSONN JASSSOOOOOONNNN SSHAAUUUNNNN!!! He fell to the ground too and started screaming. Both of them were screaming. It was just terrible. Their screams intertwined, “JASOONNN - SHAAUUNNN - AGATHAAAAA - LUCASSSS I LOVE YOUUUUU” and then Lucas came in and his mood changed to stressed (-20 points). And then an alien came down and killed everyone. THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS
this song played: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGe7wig_c9I
CREATED BY JAN WILLAMS
STORY BY JOHN WIILI.AMS
CHARACTAR BY JUN WIALEM
STARING
BEA ARTHUR AS AGATHA
WANDA SYKES AS CARLA
THE OLSEN TWINS AS ETHAN AND LUCAS
WARDROBE BY Chris Carlson
TO BE CONTINUED?????